Leader – “Am I safe with you?”

Leadership is defined by Oxford dictionary as “the action of leading a group of people or an organization, the state or position of being a leader.” Many people dream of it, strive for it, and even step on the faces of people to get it. But leadership isn’t about position and power, it’s about serving others.

Leadership isn’t about position and power, it’s about serving others.

There is nothing glamorous or sexy about “leadership”. If you go to any bookstore or search Amazon, the topic of leadership has thousands of titles, “5 steps”, and other spins on what it really is. It’s not complicated nor is it easy – it’s a daily tension of setting yourself aside for the good of others, the organization – just putting others first.

Unfortunately, I’ve learned my greatest lessons but screwing up pretty bad. It’s one thing to lose a deal or make some financial error, but when you hurt people…it just really sucks.

2018 for our company was a fast growth year, but it also came with some pain. The “glamour” of leadership when you are rising quickly fades when you and your team wake up to the reality you hurt some folks.

Here’s what leadership really is – Leadership is love.

Leadership is love.

I’m not talking about some cut-throat corporate BS where leaders speak in financial jargon that appeases Wall-Street analysts and panders to stock price. That’s an entirely different post but I can’t stand it when really smart people use a bunch of fluffy words to say something they could have said very plainly and simply. That’s a post for another day.

I mean real love. Do you really love people? It’s hard to serve anyone as a leader if you don’t love people. Start at the heart. Do you really care about the welfare of others? Do you take time to weigh your decisions to consider the context and timing, in how it will affect others rather than yourself? Do you put your interests aside or do you only make decisions if they are for your benefit?

2018 was a difficult time for my personal leadership. I didn’t handle some situations very well. I didn’t do a great job of honoring people that worked really hard for the vision of the company and it hurt them. It was painful. The statement “It’s nothing personal, just business” is probably one of the dumbest phrases ever created.

“It’s nothing personal, just business” is probably one of the dumbest phrases ever created.

It’s fully personal 100% of the time, every moment of everyday. We are human beings first, before we are co-workers, business people, or whatever. It’s always personal.

I read recently that when you ask the right question, you are 50% of the way to solving the problem. Leader, here’s the question I believe your team is really asking: “Am I safe with you?”

Leader, here’s the question I believe your team is really asking: “Am I safe with you?”

I’m not talking about some expectation of forever-employment, I don’t think anyone would actually believe that. It’s being self-aware that your words have weight. Your decisions have consequences. And people in your organization are silently asking: “Am I safe with you?” Do you think of me when you make decisions? Do you understand I have goals and dreams to? A family?

The fact is as a leader, you are a thermostat – you set the temp in your sphere of influence. Whether at home, in the workplace, at church, wherever you step foot you have influence.

Next time you are wandering the halls of your organization, pay attention. Slow down and pay attention to the subtle reactions people have to what you say and how you say it. Pay attention to body language and how some clam up while some quickly try to put on a mask of perfection. Sometimes you can feel a quick rush of anxiety in the air when you say to someone “Come see me”.

Leadership is love, leadership is serving, and leaders need to wake up to the fact that people they’re leading want to be a part of a culture that is safe. A culture that looks beyond the spreadsheet or the short term win to weighing the impact of the decision of the faces that aren’t even there – the loved ones of your team.

Bonus thought – your people have options. They don’t need you. They need a place where they feel safe. They need a place where they can grow and thrive. They’ll find that place with or without you because their lives matter more than your agenda!